Oh, the Places You'll Blow- Up! And other Shots
by SuperMastour
Summary: A small collection of lighthearted oneshots that follow no specific pattern and are meant for pure enjoyment. A BRAND NEW ONESHOT!
1. Chapter 1

**Oh, the Places You'll Blow- Up!**

* * *

A small girl, no older than six years of age, sat on a grassy hill.

This child had light brown skin and chestnut colored hair, as well as downturned eyebrows that almost made her seem perpetually angry, though her young face negated this fact greatly.

"Come 'ere girl!" a raspy yet comic voice called out to the small girl, and a man with blonde hair and tight build walked up to her, "Didn't you hear your mum?" he asked.

"I did." the girl muttered and kicked a rock, "But I wanna stay here, dad!" she pouted, "I have so many ant hills to blow up!" she held a small firecracker in her hand and looked at the plain ahead, which already had remnants of her destruction.

The man shook his head and looked back at a lone hovercar behind them, where a woman with black hair and a sunhat was standing by. "Listen 'ere." he chuckled.

"Jamison!" the woman called out.

"There she goes." Junkrat sighed and looked back at the girl, "Look, as much as I would love to help you out some more... We really need to get going, dearest." he chuckled and patted her head, "Or your mum's gonna have me."

"But why can't we stay?" the girl sighed and looked down, "The sun is still up... and I have plenty of fireworks." she grinned mischievously.

Junkrat returned the grin, "I know." he rubbed his hands, "And who bought you those fireworks?"

"Dad!" the girl giggled as she started to light one up, "Hahahahahahahhahaha!"

"Ooohahahahahahahaha!" Junkrat chuckled as the girl set the firecracker down and let it explode, "Ooh! Nice one, no?" he asked her.

"The black ones are the best." the girl pulled out a big black cylinder, "They make the ant hills go everywhere!" she cackled, only to stop and frown when she remembered her inevitable fate.

Junkrat sighed as he looked at the girl, "Lookie 'ere, dearest." he grabbed her bag of fireworks "I'm going to tell you what my ol' man told me." he knelt to get to her height level.

"Your dad told you this?" the girl asked in curiosity.

"Well..." Junkrat bobbed his head, "Not really, I made it up right now." he chuckled, "But it's still very important." he opened his eyes for emphasis. "Listen to me dearest, and listen real well, because this you will like, and this I will tell."

"Now whether you want a bomb to scrap some bots,  
Or a small cracker to take on some ants.  
You'd best heed this little tale,  
so take the seat of your pants.

You may have gunpowder on your mind,  
Or maybe a bit of propane.  
You may have uranium in your heart,  
or maybe gas is right up your lane.

You have the guts. But all that ya need to know.  
is that not everywhere will you need to blow.

However, whenever you can and whenever you can.  
Always make sure to have a good plan.

Out there there are many places to explode.  
From large mountains of metal that is scrapped.  
To crack-y dusty buildings that are old.  
Even black rocky coal that is super-ly trapped.

So don't fret my young blower-upper.  
Because there's always time for a blast.  
So never be sad and downhearted.  
Because no explosion will be your last!

A fireball a day keeps the boredom away.  
An explosion can brighten anyone's day!

But then sometimes you don't have anything to destroy.  
And sometimes your switch is worn out.  
Life sometimes gives us the wrong powder,  
and so we cry and we pout.

You will be sad that your payload isn't delivered,  
and you will start to tear up because your fuse isn't lit.  
Your explosions don't happen or are very small,  
and you will start to get mad at it.

People will be mad at you, and people will be mad with you.  
Your passion will start to be weak.  
Blasts will not happen and you will not want them to.  
This is when sadness you'll seek.

But cobber, I'll tell you now.  
That those times won't last forever and ever!  
You'll find a new place and bomb to blow up.  
No one will hold your blast back- oh never!

OH THE PLACES YOU'LL BLOW- UP!

From the great Omnic factories of old,  
to the ruins of Sydney.  
Explosions will be part of your life,  
Think of them like a new kidney!

So my little blower-upper, never be sad or start to pout.  
Because with all the places around you,  
your fuse will never go out."

Junkrat took a deep breath and looked at his little girl, who was smiling as bright as ever.

"Jamison, I thought I told you to bring-" the woman stopped as she saw the two grinning, "What is going on here?" she asked in curiosity, quite amused by the liveliness.

"Well, I was just tellin' our dearest that we should listen to mum because she's a kind and sweet lady." Junkrat turned to the woman, "Isn't that right, dearest?"

"Uh huh." the girl nodded.

"What's that smell?" the woman sniffed and saw the recently detonated firecracker on the ground, "I thought I told you to stop hurting those poor ants!" she scolded the girl.

"Relax, Fareeha darlin'." Junkrat spoke and stepped in, "It's not like you didn't blow things up when you were younger." he told her.

"Th-That doesn't count!" Pharah growled and crossed her arms, "I-"

"Wow, you blew things up!?" the little girl spoke in high admiration, "What did you blow up, mom!?" she asked with such enthusiasm.

"Nothing." Pharah muttered, "Well..." she looked at Jamison, "Just a few little-"

"Omnics." Junkrat interrupted, "Lot's of 'em buggers. With a rocket launcher!" he also became enthusiastic, "Oh it was the greatest sight ever!" he chuckled.

"A rocket launcher! Oh! Can I have one too!?" the girl pleaded, "I want to be just like you, mom!" she looked at Pharah.

"Well... uh..." Pharah blushed as she heard such a compliment from her own daughter, but then remembered the fact that she was her daughter, "No!" she gasped, "You cannot have a rocket launcher!" she said.

"Aww..." the girl grumbled.

"Don't worry, Santa may get one for y-"

"Ja-mi-son." Pharah sternly spoke, "You cannot buy your own daughter a high caliber weapon like that!" she crossed her arms.

"I know..." Junkrat sighed, then the two jumped when the girl blew up a firework.

"WAH!"  
"AH!" the two adults yelled as they saw the girl laugh.

"Stop me if you heard of this one before." the girl lit another one, only to be stopped by Pharah, "Aww..." she said when the firework was taken out of her hand and turned off.

"See?" Pharah sighed, "We can hardly trust her with these... imagine a ROCKET LAUNCHER." she growled.

"Well, she gets that from you." Junkrat shrugged his shoulders and started to walk off.

"From me?" Pharah said in shock, "You're the one always buying her these things... I always try to bring her up in a collected manner-"

"Says the one who bought her the jetpack last year." Junkrat smirked.

"Ah... point given." Pharah mumbled, "Well... I can't deny we're doing a good job raising her." she smiled and held Junkrat's hand until they were split by the separate car entry ways.

Junkrat nodded, "Such a fine job." he grinned, turned on the car, and drove off.

However, the girl stood alone in the park with a bag of firecrackers in one hand and a lighter in the other.  
She saw her solitude and then turned to the plain filled with ant hills, cackling and grinning evilly as she accounted her situation.

"Oh the places I'll blow... up." she muttered.

* * *

 **This was supposed to be part of a little oneshot series, but eh...  
If it gets enough oomph I'll make more.  
Anywho enjoy and have a blessed day!**


	2. Chapter 2

**A Trip to the Moon, Soon!**

* * *

"Uncle Roadhog." Junkrat's dearest said as she went up and down on a swing, "Do you think... if you try hard enough.. you can fly?" she asked as she reached the peak of her swing.

Roadhog saw as the girl came back down and stopped her with his large belly, "What now?" he asked very gruffly.

"I think if you swing me hard enough... I can go to the moon." the girl said as she pointed to the moon, which was shining in the evening sky, "Can you try, Uncle Roadhog?"

Roadhog rubbed the back of his head, "I don't think that's possible..." he muttered, "Plus, what if you fall? Your mum and Ratman will have me." he said.

The girl sighed and stepped down from the swing, "You're no fun, Uncle Roadhog." she pouted and looked at him with a mean face.

"Ugh... You remind me of Ratman." Roadhog shuddered, "Why couldn't you have your mum's face?" he mumbled and crossed his arms.

"Do it!" the girl sat back on the swing, "Or I'm telling my mom!" she threatened, "You are doing a bad job at babysitting." she added.

"If I really baby sat you would be smushed hrrrmhrrmmmhrrmmm." Roadhog grumbled angrily, then spotted a trampoline nearby, "Hmm... Ok, you want to go to the moon?" he asked.

"Yes!" the girl said with eagerness, "Are you going to send me?" she asked.

"Oh... of course." Roadhog chuckled, "Let's hope this works..." he said under his breath and swung as hard as he could.

"WOAH!" the girl went flying up high into the sky, then landed on the trampoline.

"Now that's a ten- Oh!" Roadhog gasped when the girl was bounced off the trampoline and sent over the fence, "Ooh... I didn't account for that..." he muttered.

The girl fell outside of the property and into some soft bushes, "OW..." she mumbled and held her head, "Wow..." she stood up, "The moon looks a lot like my house." she said as she walked around.

"Hey! Are you ok?" Roadhog called out, spooking the little girl.

"It may be an alien!" the girl muttered, then saw Roadhog step out from a gate, "AH!" she screamed, quite frightened.

"Hey! There you are." Roadhog muttered, "Are you ok?" he asked again.

"Ah... Ah..." the girl stopped being scared, "Wow... the space pigs look a lot like Uncle Roadhog." she spoke.

"Sp-Space pigs?!" Roadhog growled angrily, "Who are you calling a space pig?" he muttered, then saw the girl walk up to his rotund belly.

"Wow, the space pigs are even as fat as Uncle Roadhog!" the girl giggled as she smacked the huge stomach of the man.

"Hrrmhrrrmmhrrmmmm..." Roadhog grumbled lowly, "I am not fat... Just... big boned." he crossed his arms.

"Wow! Moon houses look just like my house!" the girl gasped and ran to her house, "Do you live in there, space pig?"

"That's your house." Roadhog spoke, "Why are you talking a- Oh..." he nodded, now understanding the situation, "You think you're on the moon." he said to himself.

"So... are space pigs... like the people for the moon?" the girl asked Roadhog as the two walked to the front door, "Do you have a nice house."

Roadhog sighed and decided to play along, "Yeah... it's such a sweet home." he muttered and opened the front door, "Space pigs love to have sweet crashes."

"Hey! This looks like my house!" the girl recognized the inside of the house, "Wow, do you have kids, space pigman?" she asked as she saw her toys on the ground, "A little space pig girl?"

"Oh yes..." Roadhog nodded, "She looks just like you." he chuckled to himself.

"Can I play with her? Maybe she'll want to blow stuff up too!" the girl cackled and grinned evilly, "Ooh I can't wait! Where is she?!" she looked around.

"Uh... she's not home at the moment." Roadhog mumbled, "But do you want a... cookie?" he saw the platter sitting on the kitchen counter and grabbed it.

"Say... moon cookies also look like Earth cookies." the girl said as she looked at the treats, "I thought they would look like... rocks."

"Hey, you, it's a mineral." Roadhog grumbled as he held one of the cookies, "They're... yeah... moon minerals inside."

"Really? I don't buy it, space pigman." the girl mumbled as she observed the cookie, "You better not be ripping me off."

"Where'd you learn to say that?" Roadhog asked, quite intrigued by the girl's words.

"Back on earth, my daddy says things like that all the time." the girl responded, "He also says son of-"

"I think we can leave it at that!" Roadhog interrupted her, "Now eat your rock- I mean- Minerals!" he gave her the cookie.

"Ah... well let's see how moon cookies taste like." the girl mumbled, "Oh.. these are good." she smiled, but the frowned, "I wish I could share these with mom and daddy." she sighed, "But they're stuck on Earth-" she heard the door open.

The door opened to Junkrat, Pharah, and a large gorilla, who were talking to each other.

"Hey!" the girl exclaimed as she looked at the new people, "Wow! Look at all these space pigs!" she pointed at Junkrat and Pharah, "But... these look like my mom and dad..."

"Space pigs?" Pharah asked, quite confused.

"Yes! Those are space pigs!" Roadhog said and walked to the newcomers, "Except... they... are wearing masks!" he said, "That's why they look like you."

"Ah... is this a game?" Pharah asked.

"No no no." Roadhog shook his head and looked at the girl, "These are my space pig friends." he told her, "And my... um... space gorilla..." he looked at the ape.

"Well... technically you're not wrong." the gorilla said, "Hello there." he wave at the girl.

"He reminds me of Winston." the girl started to become suspicious.

"That's because I a-" Winston's mouth was covered by Roadhog.

"Ok, Pigface, what's the deal?" Junkrat asked, "What's going on here-"

"And you are just like my dad!" the girl yelled, "How can this be the moon when everything is like it is on Earth?" she held her head.

"Oh.. you think you're on the moon?" Pharah chuckled, "Oh no, dearest, you're at home, and I am definitely NOT a space pig." she said sternly.

"You sure about that?" Roadhog said behind his mask.

"Where did you get such a bogey idea, dearest?" Junkrat asked as he knelt next to her.

"Uncle Roadhog back on Earth launched me up on the swing where I went flying." the girl reported, causing Pharah to gasp, "And I was launched to the moon."

"Oh, that's impossible." Winston spoke, "The escape velocity of Earth is 11.2 kilometers per second, which is many, many times the speed of sound- so the force that Roadhog expelled minus your weight, gravity, and friction would have made you fly just a few feet into the air."

"A few feet!?" Pharah gasped and glared at Roadhog.

"Hey... she wanted to." Roadhog shrugged.

"Pigface, she wanted to blow up your motorcycle by ramming it into a gasoline truck!" Junkrat said, "We do-"

"Are you gonna let me do that too!? Oh WOW!" the girl squealed and ran outside.

"HEY!"

"Dearest, come back!"


	3. Chapter 3

**Mom and Dad, Why so Bad?**

* * *

"Argh..." a dark robed man opened the door and stepped inside his house, stretching out his arms.  
By the looks of his demeanor, it looked like he caused many harms.

The man put up his claw-y gloves, his backpack and gun.  
It seems he was out not being very fun.

"Amelie." said the man as he stretch out his legs and then his chest.  
Trying to make sure his welcome was the best.

And out came a woman, thin and very tall.  
With a tray of spaghetti, which seemed ready to fall.

"Dinner's in my hands, and you are very late." said Widowmaker, ready to pout.  
But before she could say anything, the man was already heading out.

"I was out working, maybe you should do that sometime." the man grumbled and sat down.  
Widowmaker only grunted and gave a small frown.

"Well I would do it if we did not have a fils." said the woman as she pointed to a lad,  
who looked at the spaghetti and seemed very glad.

"What were you doing dad?" asked the young boy, "Did you fix any cool cars today?"  
The man shook his head and sighed, "Not many, kid, I must say."

Widowmaker looked at the man and sat down, "Gabriel, do you need another meatball?"  
"Nope." Reaper responded, "Just more spinach is all."

The woman put the leafy greens on his plate, and with a smile looked at her son.  
"Are you liking the spaghetti?" Widowmaker asked, "And give your broccoli a quick run."

"But I hate broccoli." the kid growled and knocked it off the plate.  
And the black dog under them picked up before it was too late.

Widowmaker grumbled and looked at Reaper, who with a shrug and grunt.  
Took the full brunt.

"Listen to your madre." said the man in a low voice.  
Then gave him more of the greens, without any choice.

"I do not want them, I do not." the son grumbled and kicked them and spat.  
Before long it became food for the cat.

"Roland Pascual Lacroix Reyes!" yelled Widowmaker, "You'd best eat those greens right now!"  
Her son only growled and ruffled his brow.

"Eat these greens!" the woman growled again and set down some more greens, spinach too.  
And once more the kid kicked it down, and saw as they fed the cockatoo.

The son grumbled and looked at his mom, "Mom and Dad!"  
He looked at the vegetables, "Why are these so bad!?"

"I do not want to hear another word." Widowmaker scolded and put another batch in his plate.  
"Now you'd better eat these, it's getting very late-"

The son, however, did not bother to say,  
when he would throw those greens right off his tray.

"That is enough!" Reaper yelled, tired of his son, "Listen here, you'd best hear your madre."  
He clenched his fist and pointed at the kid, "Or you'll have to deal with your padre!"

And with a forceful grab he thew some broccoli on his plate and glared.  
Reaper looked at his son, not a smile from him as he stared.

"Go on, I am waiting." Widowmaker said as she tapped her foot, "Just eat them and you're free."  
The woman smirked, "But if you don't, tonight no TV."

"What?" Reaper asked, "But the boxing match is tonight." he informed and looked.  
"And I really want to see Cortaza get cooked!

"Did you not hear me?" asked Widowmaker, "I said no TV for tonight."  
"If you get to watch it, he will think it's alright."

"But did you not hear me?" Reaper responded, "It's Martinez vs Cortaza, and I wanna see."  
With a grunt and growl, he glared angrily.

"I do not care if it's the King of France and the Pope." Widowmaker repeated,  
"Watching TV is now a big Nope."

"Dumb brat." Reaper grumbled to his son, "If you hadn't been so picky-"  
"Well those things are nasty!" his son spoke back, "They're oh so icky!"

"Listen here you-" Reaper stopped when he was scowled by his wife.  
Now he had done it, it was a fight for his life.

"Don't talk to Roland like that!" Widowmaker scolded, "It's not like you are a saint."  
"I never said I was." Reaper growled, "Says the one covered in purple paint."

That was it, she was mad.  
"You better be glad Roland was here, or this would turn bad!"

"It wouldn't have turned into anything if you had let me seen the fight!"  
Reaper looked at the TV, "Come on, it's only tonight!"

"N-O! No!" Widowmaker responded and crossed her arms.  
"Now you'd best be heading upstairs and set your alarms!"

"I will not do that!" Reaper stood up and slammed the table.  
"I will watch the fight. I am willing and able!"

"You will go nowhere!" Widowmaker also stood up, "Mon cher!"  
"Now you'd best calm down and sit down on that chair!"

Their son saw as the two argued and almost ran.  
But then looked at the vegetables and got a brilliant plan.

"Don't bring that here." Reaper growled, "Ok! In sickness and health!"  
"Except when Martinez can bring home the belt!"

"Well you will not see that!" Widowmaker responded, "And if that's so bad."  
"Wait till you hear what I have planned for Monday, oh so sad!"

"You better not get into my birdwatching." Reaper grumbled, "Or I will bring home the pain."  
"Well looks like you'll join us in my bookclub." Widowmaker answered, "And not picture a crane!"

With his parents arguing and shouting curses, the boy walked in and out.  
Neither mom or dad noticed, they were too into their bout.

The boy grabbed piece by piece of the green.  
Feeding his dog, cat, cockatoo, and even the hamster, all without being seen.

"What I say is done!" Widowmaker crossed her arms, "No TV for tonight."  
"No fun, no boxing." she turned to her son, "Isn't that right-"

The two stopped and saw that the boy had finished his food and some more.  
"What?" Widowmaker looked, "Did you eat all that I bought from the store?"

The boy nodded and grinned, then looked at his dad.  
"I guess vegetable aren't all really bad."

Reaper nodded and looked at Widowmaker, "Well, he finished his meal."  
"You got lucky." Widowmaker crossed her arms, "I guess you will watch your men of steel."

Reaper chuckled and looked at his son, "Good job, boy."  
"Now go watch TV... and hey." he whispered, "I may buy you a toy."

"Nice!" the son laughed and went his own way,  
To watch television and start to play.

"Back to my duties." Reaper looked at Widowmaker, "And if someone may join me they can."  
"Because if I watch this alone, well, I am a lonely man."

"Fine." Widowmaker smiled and took his hand, "But let's not stay up too late."  
"Don't worry." Reaper shrugged it off, "Oh this match will be great."

As the two sat down, they started to feel odd.  
It smelled like grass, fresh pasture, or sod.

"What in the world?" Reaper looked around and reached in the sofa, "Ewww.."  
He looked at the broccoli, which looked wet as a stew.

"Oh my..." Widowmaker gasped as she looked ahead, not a pretty sight was seen.  
The dog, the cat, the cockatoo, and the gerbil were all covered in green!

"What the heck!?" Reaper growled as he grabbed the dog, "Paco? Cauchemar?" he grabbed the cat.  
"Fillip?" he looked at his bird, "Leon? You too, you small rat?!"

With an angry yell and at the same time, like they were in a band.  
Both Reaper and Widowmaker yelled: "ROLAND!"


	4. Chapter 4

**Nana Ana knows Best**

* * *

Junkrat stood and tapped his foot as he waited by the door, "You could 'ave told me she was coming." he grumbled and looked at Pharah, "Just one sentence would have made me less angry."

"I did tell you, but you never ever listen." Pharah shook her head, "I told you last week that her house was being fumigated for pulp ants." she informed again and then heard the doorbell ring.

"I'll show you pulp ants you hrmhrmhrmhrm..." Junkrat grumbled and opened the door, only to see an old woman with tanned skin holding a briefcase, "Ah... Missus Ana!" he smiled and waved.

"Hello, Jamison." Ana responded and looked at Pharah, "Ah... Fareeha." she smiled and set her case down, then ran to hug her.

"Ummi." Pharah smiled, "Don't worry, I set up your room as best as I could!" she told her, "Do you need anything, I'm sure you're very tired from the trip here."

"I just need my dear Jamison here to get the bags from my car." Ana turned to Jamison, who was not very pleased, "I'm sure he would be able to help out his poor, weak, old mother-in law."

Junkrat huffed and rolled his eyes, "If you're so weak how did you load them in the first- Ow!" he was hit by Pharah, "I'm going." he grumbled and walked outside.

"Where is my little baby?" Ana asked as she looked around, "I brought her a little gift." she pulled out a little bag of cookies.

"She's taking a nap." Pharah responded, then turned to see Junkrat struggle with a pile of luggage.

"Hrmph... Gr..." Junkrat groaned as he tried to lift and balance all the thing.

"What are you, made of butter?" Ana said, both she and Pharah laughing.

"Laugh while you can..." Junkrat growled, "Crickey! What did you put in here? Bricks!?" he set the briefcases down by the television and opened one of them.

Inside was a lot of bags of clay.

"Oh! How wonderful..." Junkrat grumbled.

"Hey, it wasn't bricks." Ana shrugged her shoulders.

"It was almost bricks." Junkrat responded, "Just give them a few days to dry! Man..." he sighed and sat down, wiping his sweaty forehead soon after.

Pharah looked at her mother, "Are you sure you don't wan't anything? A drink, or something to eat?" she asked worriedly.

"I'm fine, Fareeha dear." Ana smiled and sat down, "Wow, such a nice couch." she felt the place she was sitting on.

"Just make sure not to get it dirty." Junkrat said as he turned on the TV, "I paid good money for this couch." he said and scrolled through the channels.

"Jamison, you know I'm the cleanest person ever." Ana mumbled, "Fareeha dear, sit down, I don't like you standing up like a soldier."

"Oh ummi." Pharah said, "Ok." she said and sat at the other end, sandwiching Junkrat in between her and Ana, "What do you want to watch, ummi?" she asked.

"What?" Junkrat turned to her, "Fareeha darlin', you know I was going to wa-"

"Jamison, you watch TV all day." Pharah told him, "Let my ummi watch it for once, it won't kill you." she said and grabbed the remote from his hands.

"Thank you, Fareeha dear." Ana chuckled, "Do you have the cooking channel? I want to see if that cake show is still on."

"Cake show?" Junkrat groaned and slumped, "Ugh..."

Suddenly, a quick patter of feet ran down the stairs.

"Oh!" Ana grinned as she saw the little girl run in, "My baby!" she opened her arms.

"Nana!" the girl ran to the woman and hugged her, "When did you come here?"

"Right now... and all for you my baby." Ana smiled and picked her up.

"Good, because daddy doesn't like it when you come over." the girl said, causing Ana to frown and slowly turn to Junkrat.

"You shouldn't lie like that, dearest." Junkrat said nervously, "Especially not to your grandmum... Lyin' ain't good." he turned to Ana, "Especially to your dear, wonderful grandmum."

"Hmm..." Ana scowled and then turned back to the girl, "Oh... I brought you something." she smiled and pulled out her cookies, "I made them just for you... peanut butter scones."

"Oh! Peanut butter scones!?" Junkrat said, "I love those-" he only received a hand to his chest.

"These are not for you!" Ana scolded, "These are for your young one. Now eat up, baby." she patted the girl's head, "You need all the food you can eat."

"Thanks, Nana." the girl grinned and opened the bag.

"Uh uh uh." Pharah shook her head, "Not until lunch." she extended her hand.

"Oh..." the girl groaned and placed the cookies in her mother's hand, "Booey."

"You mean she hasn't eaten lunch?" Ana gasped in horror, as if she just heard Pharah confess to murder, "Fareeha, it's 2 o'clock!" she yelled and looked at her watch, "When was the last time she ate?!"

"Uh... at 9." Pharah muttered, "Before I le-"

"9!?" Ana's eye shot open, "Oh no no no no!" she shook her head and nearly yanked the cookies out of her hands, "Fareeha, a young one has to eat every 3 hours! Here, my little baby." she said and patted the little girls head, "Oh I'm so sorry- Nana is going to cook you up a nice soup right now!" she snapped her fingers and walked to the kitchen.

"Ummi-" Pharah turned to her daughter, "You will not eat those, you hear me?" she said and turned to her own mother, "Ummi!"

"Awww..." the girl grumbled and looked at Junkrat, "Dad..."

Junkrat was in an internal struggle of his own.  
Should he listen to his partner, or the intimidating authority of his in-law?

"Please, daddy?" the girl pleaded.

"Eat them, baby!" Ana called out from the kitchen.

"You can eat them." Junkrat told the girl, who smiled.

"No! Not until you eat lunch!" Pharah called out a few seconds after.

"Oh no you can't eat those!" Junkrat grabbed the cookies and saw his girl pout.

"Eat them while I make your soup, my little one!" Ana repeated.

"Oh yeah here you can eat them." Junkrat was about to hand them back.

"No no! I forbid you from eating sweets before lunch!" Pharah interrupted, causing the man to jerk his arm back.

"Not when she's probably starving!" Ana called out, "Eat, my child!"

Junkrat's arm jerked back and forth as the paradoxical commands sounded through the house, "AH CRICKEY! ENOUGH!" the man finally exploded in anger and walked to the kitched, "Feed your own darn kid!" he threw the bag of cookies on the table and walked off muttering angry curses to himself.

Ana looked at Pharah.  
Pharah looked at Ana.

"See what you did, Ummi?" Pharah crossed her arms, "I don't want to spoil my child with sweets before real food!" she grunted.

"Are you calling my peanut butter scones fake food?" Ana gasped, taking it as a terrible insult.

"What!?" Junkrat yelled and stormed back in, "How... How dare... you?" he pointed at Pharah, "How dare you blaspheme the peanut butter scone?"

"I wish you were as respectful as Jamison." Ana growled, "You are a fine son-in-law indeed." she smiled at the man.

"Oh yeah?" Pharah retorted, "If Jamison is such a saint, why does he say "Gee, Fareeha, the only relation I see between your mom and King Tut is that they're probably the same age"." she informed.

Ana scowled at Jamison with a glare that could burn through steel.

"I did not say that!" Jamison yelled, "A-At least all the time!" he stammered, "It's not like you're a good too! How about that time you left our little darlin' in the car at the market during summertime?" he crossed his arms.

Ana was horrified.

"No-No! I was- I was in a hurry!" Pharah looked at her mother, "Honest- If only someone in this house would help me do all the work!" she looked back at Jamison, "Instead of just plopping down after his job!"

Ana looked at Jamison with a grimace.

"I do do things!" Jamison called back, "I do things, like not leaving the bathtub on with your 6 month child in it!" he yelled in anger.

"Ah!" Pharah gasped, "Oh you swore you'd never bring that up again!" she growled in rage and pointed at him, "You no good lying rat!"

"At least I'm not a careless eagle!" Junkrat shot back.

"THAT IS ENOUGH!" Ana yelled with a voice equal in power to a lightning bolt from Mount Olympus, causing the other two to fall silent.

"I have never been more ashamed to be in a household." the old woman shook her head, "Not only is there pent up hostility, but also irresponsibility." she walked to the little girl, "And you know who suffers because of this? She does." she looked down to their daughter.

Pharah and Junkrat were devastated.

"It's not you two, it's her." Ana continued, "And if you want to help your dearest grow up to be a great woman, well you two better give her the example she needs."

"You're... You're right..." Pharah sighed, "I am sorry, Ummi..."

"Yeah, Pharah's sorry-"  
"Junkrat!" Ana scolded the man.

"I'm sorry too." Junkrat looked down, "So what do we do?"

Ana grinned.  
"Just leave that to me."

 **00000000**

"Huh... Huh..." Pharah panted as she heaved a large mound of bed linens up some stairs, bumping into her partner, who was carrying a bucket of paint and a brush.

"Hey... Darlin'..." Junkrat sighed and wiped his brow as he walked up to her, "How are you fairin'?"

"Ummi has me double dry our little girl's sheets." Pharah responded, "She says that is the only thing that kills all the mites on there."

"Oh.. well you got it easy." Junkrat said, "I had to repaint dearest's room because it may have had lead paint on the walls... And I have the kitchen next." he groaned.

"I have it easy?" Pharah grumbled, "Do you know how tiring it is to wash all the cloths in the house- twice?" she gnashed her teeth, "And drying them... twice?"

"Try moving up and down a ladder while heaving a heavy paint can..." Junkrat shot back, "Have you tried that!?"

"I HOPE YOU'RE NOT FIGHTING UP THERE!" Ana's commanding voice called up, causing the two to fall silent.

"Huh..." Pharah sighed, "I should have told her to stay with Reinhardt..."

"Should have." Junkrat chuckled, "Well... we all have our faults, darlin'." he grinned and walked up to her.

"Thank you for understanding, Jamie." Pharah smiled back and pecked his cheek.

Downstairs, Ana had her feet up on the coffee table and shared her peanut butter scones with her granddaughter.

"When are mom and daddy coming back?" asked the little girl.

"Oh.. they'll be back soon, Young one." Ana chuckled and rubbed her head, "And they'll be happier than before."


	5. Chapter 5

**New Lights and an Old West**

 **Chapter 5**

* * *

"Mother." a young boy stood straight as he addressed Symmetra, "I have cleaned my room and kept it up to your standards!" he reported.

Symmetra smirked a bit, "Well, then I guess I should inspect it." she walked towards the door in front of her and opened it.

Inside, a boy's room was completely clean.  
No mark.  
No spot.

No stain.  
No ruffle.  
No crease.  
Nothing, absolutely nothing was out of place.

Symmetra turned on her goggles, then zoomed in on the boy's counter.  
Flawlessly clean.

The woman rubbed her index finger across it surface and nodded when she heard a satisfying squeak.

"Excellent." Symmetra stood straight and looked at her son, "Your room is up to my par." she nodded and patted his head, "Now you may watch television. I will call you when your father gets home so we can eat." she walked out.

The trip to her room was long, due to the size of the house she owned.

"Let us see if he actually cleaned up before he left today..." Symmetra growled as she walked up some turned left at a hall, then saw the door wide open.

"..." the silent anger started to come out of her lips.

Symmetra continued her journey and opened the door, then saw the room was in complete disarray-  
Or at least that's what she thought. To be honest, there was only a few clothes on the ground, the bed was unmade, and there was a few overturned things on the counters.

Regardless, this was a calamity.

"I told him... to... clean up..." Symmetra growled and immediately started to clean the room, "I swear I will not give him any of his mashed potatoes when he gets home as retribution for this... disaster." she folded the bedsheets rapidly, then turned her sights to the clothes on the floor. "Filth." she grunted when she picked up some jeans and threw them at the laundry chute in disgust. This cleaning continued for quite some while until everything was deemed perfect, which ended when Symmetra fixed the position of the clock by .000000003 degrees.

However, the clock alerted her.

It was 12 o'clock.

"It's High Noon!" a voice yelled as the door opened, the slam being heard throughout the house.

Symmetra walked out and towards the stairs that led down, bumping into a very familiar face.

"Well hello there." a gallant cowboy stood by the door with a bouquet of flowers, "If it isn't my lil' Injun." he pointed at her and tipped his hat.

Symmetra, however, was still not pleased.

"Look, I know I left the room a mess." the cowboy said, "But you gotta understand, the boss don't take too kindly for late folk." he said, "But I brought you this." he handed the flowers to her, "The man at the store said they were straight from Inja."

Symmetra looked at the flowers, all perfectly aligned in a square form.

"Well, I do not see why not." the woman smiled and held the bouquet, "Son, get down here, you're father's home." she called out.

"Where's the little man?" the cowboy said, "Papa McCree's home." he chuckled and pulled out another gift, "But before he comes down, I think I should spoil you a bit more."

"And what could this be?" Symmetra asked in curiosity, then opened the bag and saw a brand new pair of prism earrings, "McCree, you shouldn't have." she gasped.

"Hello, father." the boy came down the stairs and stood straight in front of McCree, "How was your day?"

"Enough formalities, little man." McCree spoke as Symmetra was too into her gifts, "I got a gift for you." he chuckled, "Now are you happy, Symmy?" he chuckled, "I hope you are."

The boy looked at McCree.

"Because I think this will make us all really happy now." McCree walked outside.

Symmetra waited, and waited.

"Come here, Rex." McCree spoke, and bloodhound walked inside with him.

Symmetra stood silent as she looked at the animal, then sighed, rolled her eyes, and fainted.

"Uh oh..."

 **000000000**

Symmetra groaned as she woke up later that day, the night sky shining through the windows, "Mc... McCree?" she looked at the cowboy at the foot of their bed, "What.. what happened."

"Seems you got a little stun eye." McCree chuckled, "Rex has been with you all the way."

"Who-" Symmetra felt a warm body on her right side, then turned slowly and gasped when she saw the dog, "Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa..." she stammered as the dog rolled over.  
"WHAT IS THIS!?" she yelled and jumped up.

"That's purebred bloodhound-" McCree gagged when Symmetra grabbed his poncho, "Agh!"

"I mean why is it in my villa?" Symmetra growled and looked at him, "Why is this beast in my house, on my bed, and my being?" she shuffled away from the dog.

McCree whistled and the dog jumped over Symmetra and onto his lap, "What's wrong, Symmy? Ain't you like a good hound?" he rubbed the dog's back.

Symmetra looked in disdain at the dog, "No."

McCree groaned and walked towards the nightstand, then pulled out a cigar, "Well, I don't see why it's so wro-"

"Dogs are disgusting creatures." Symmetra shuddered, "Shedding hair, and overturning all that is orderly!" she grunted and crossed her arms.

McCree frowned, "Now, Symmy, please control yourself. Dog's man's best friend here." he grumbled and patted Rex, "Ain't too many of God's critters called that." he tipped his hat.

Symmetra stood up and walked to the door, "Here's the door, please take that beast out."

"Now Now." McCree stood and crossed his arms, "I paid 2,000 dollars for this dog, I ain't returning him."

"2000 dollars!?" Symmetra gasped in shock, "That's- That's-"

"Hey, your gifts and the like cost me more-"

"Why are you spending so much money?" Symmetra asked in anger, "I know I'm Vishkar North America's President- But be more frugal." she crossed her arms, "Now... the dog. Out. Now."

"Nope."  
"Out."  
"Nope."  
"Out..."  
"Nope..."  
"OUT."  
"N-O. No way, Jose."

"Very well then. You will pay." Symmetra clenched her fist.

 **000000000**

"ZZZZZZZZ..." McCree snored and the rolled over on his bed, but suddenly fell to the ground, "Agh!? What the he-" he saw that their bed was split in two, "Huh!?" he looked at his room.

It was completely split straight down the middle, the right being a highly ordered futuristic room and his side, the left, being the fussy and rowdy rustic one.

"What in the world?" McCree stood in confusion, the saw Rex was on his side, as well as all the mess.

"SYMMY!"


	6. Chapter 6

**A Mother knows Rest!**

* * *

Junkrat sat on the kitchen chair looking at a tablet.

"Oh, Junkrat." Ana, quite drowsy, walked in but was stunned by the kitchen light when she did, "What.. What are you doing up so late?" she asked worriedly.

Junkrat sighed and wiped his eyes, "It's not late."

"Oh don't give me that." Ana crossed her arm and looked at him, "No need to worry, she's upstairs and resting. The hospital gave her the best treatment." she patted his back.

"I'm not worried about her." Junkrat growled, "I need a new gig." he looked back at her.

"What?" Ana said in confusion, "I don't understand this hip lingo."

"I need a new job." Junkrat repeated himself, "I got a new mouth to feed and the old gig ain't gonna cut it."

"I'm pretty sure it is." Ana tried to comfort him, "Plus, it's your first baby, nothing much is going to change. It's just the shockwave you're feeling right now." she sat down, "The uncertainty is going to go away."

Junkrat huffed, "Well, I do need to close my peepers..."

"It's 4 in the morning." Ana looked at the clock, "Any sleep you'll get now is going to be insufficient... unless." she pulled out a familiar looking little pistol.

"You'd best not poke me." Junkrat hissed at the sight of the device.

"I joke." Ana chuckled and then sighed, "I know you're worried, but don't be. Listen to someone with experience." she smiled, "When I had Fareeha I was scared too, but it passed with life."

Junkrat stood up and walked to the counter, "Could ya make me some tea?"

Ana nodded and stood up as well, "Whatever floats you, son." she smiled softly, "I'm glad I survived long enough to see my grandbaby." she chuckled with a hint of excitement, "I almost didn't."

Junkrat turned to the old woman, but regardless of the movement of his tongue he found no words to respond to that.

"But that's the past." Ana shrugged it off, but a bit bitterly, "Oh... when I saw her face I was so filled up with joy!" she grinned greatly, "Jamison, Than-" she turned to see the man was completely knocked out.

 **000000000**

Pharah was terribly exhausted, she hadn't slept good in days.

"AGHH..." The woman groaned and slumped on the sofa, "Jamison, I'm... so tired." she sighed and looked at him.

"Huh?" Junkrat turned and set his cereal down on the coffee table, "What's happenin, darlin'?" he asked, quite worried.

Suddenly, crying.

"Uh oh, better go look out for the lil' tike." Junkrat looked at Pharah, who scowled at him in return, "Uh..."

"I'm back from the store." the door opened and Ana appeared, "Sorry I came back late, Reinhardt didn't know the difference between soy milk and regular milk." she groaned and shook her head.

"Hello my friends!" Reinhardt's large body plopped through the door, "I have assisted your mother, Fareeha!" he lifted all the grocery bags in his large muscular arms, "Your sustenance is here!"

Ana saw as the colossus set the bags down on the table, "So, ho-" she paused and heard the child crying, her mother senses were tingling.  
"Fareeha! The girl!"

"I'm gooooooiiinnnnggg..." Pharah groaned, stood up groggily, and walked off like a zombie.

Ana was quite concerned at the sight, and turned to Junkrat, who was quite content watching World Series Bowling and eating his chocolate cereal.

"Jamison." Ana spoke.

Junkrat grinned as a black man on the tv got a strike.

"Jamison." Ana repeated again.

"Come on, Michael..." Junkrat crossed his fingers as the next bowler stood up.

"Uh oh..." Reinhardt felt Ana's frustration venting, "Jamison, for the love of Heaven please turn."

"Jamison. Fawkes. Amari." Ana said sternly.

Junkrat paused when he heard those ominous words, then gulped harshly as he slowly reached for the remote. "I'm turning off the TV..." he muttered and did so, "I'm slowly walking away from the television." he put his arms up into the air.

"Turn to me, Jamison Fawkes." Ana spoke, causing the man to wince and do as told.

Junkrat looked at his mother-in-law, "Yes?"

"Do you see my daughter?" Ana asked him with a sense of authority.

"Every day ma'am." Jamison stood up straight, "In and out of the house."

"Uh huh." Ana nodded, "Have you ever noted how she looks like recently?" she asked again.

"Hot? Not Pregnant?" Jamison chuckled uneasily, "You know... like..."

"I don't find that funny, Jamison."

"Right right, I'm sorry ma'am." Junkrat looked down, "I don't know, ma'am."

"She's tired, Jamison." Ana reported, "I don't like seeing my daughter wiped out like I'm seeing her right now. Now what do you think I feel like seeing that terrible sight?" she sat down on the recliner, Reinhardt standing next to her in attention.

"Ma'am, I think you would be quite cross." Jamison bobbed his head, "That's your lil' girl after all." he mumbled and looked down.

"Jamison, my son." Ana crossed her legs and extended her hand, "Come here, my son."

"Ah..." Jamison crept up to her and kissed the ring on her hand, "Ma'am?"

"You know I love you, my son." Ana looked at Jamison, "But I can't let this stand... Jamison, you promised to take care of my daughter when you took her hand, now why is this happening if you said so?"

"Because I work with a lot of hours because we need the money-"

"Stop." Ana shook her head in dismissal, "You're right about that... but are you busy now?"

"No."

"Then you can start being busy and help my daughter." Ana scoffed, "And that is an order." she waved her hand and looked at him.

"Uh..." Jamison looked around, "And how do I do that?" he asked sheepishly.

"You have come to the right place." Ana chuckled and opened her arms, "I will help you, but for a price."

"What is the price for the wisdom..." Jamison looked at her with child-like eyes.

"You must promise me to help my daughter whenever possible." Ana bobbed her head and looked at Reinhardt, "Do you accept?"

"Sure!" Jamison jumped up anxiously.

"Alright... Take him." Ana clapped her hands, and Reinhardt walked over and grabbed the Australian.

"Hey, what's going on!? Ma'am!" Junkrat was thrown outside and Reinhardt locked the door, standing over it with his colossal body.

Several frantic knocks sounded, all for a total of 5 minutes.

"Let him in." Ana finally conceded and Reinhardt opened the door, letting in the young man.

"Ah.. ah..." Junkrat shivered from the outside cold, "Ma'am..."

"What did you feel, my son?" Ana asked as she looked at the young man, "Did you feel alone? Cold?"

"Yes." Junkrat nodded as he walked up to her, "Why did you do that?"

"That's how my daughter feels when you don't help her." Ana clapped her hands, and then looked at Reinhardt.

"No no no." Junkrat shook his head and Reinhardt walked towards him, "I'll do it I'll do it!" he begged, but was still picked up by the bulky man.

"Very well. Your wish will be granted."

 **000000000**

"Zzzzzzzzzzzzz..." Pharah slept as Junkrat rocked his dearest, "Zzzzz..." she rolled over.

Junkrat sighed and smiled as he saw Pharah sleep, "Welp I never thought I'd be a mom." he grumbled, feeling a little bit womanly, "I should punch a puppy to regain my manliness."

The baby cooed lowly and opened her mouth.

Junkrat's heart felt warm, he looked at the baby.  
Soft light brown skin, Fareeha's nose, chin, and eyes.  
It's almost like she was a carbon copy of Fareeha.

"Uhh..." Junkrat shuddered at the similarities, "Well it does run in the family..." he said as he remembered when he saw a picture of young Ana, "What if they're all clones?"

Now that he really thought about it...

"Junkrat." Pharah's soft voice sounded, causing the man to turn around and see his partner looking at him.

"Ah. Ah. I didn't mean it." Junkrat murmured, "She looks like me-"

"Relax, it was funny." Pharah smiled and patted the baby's head, "Plus, I think she has your eyes.."

"Nah. She has yours, darlin'." Junkrat sighed and handed her the baby, "I'm done. I'm very tired... I ain't a mom." he stood up and stretched.

"That's because you're a dad, not a mom-"

"But Ana said-"

"My mother's too... mothery." Pharah laughed, "She wants everyone with a child to be a mother, so don't listen to he-"

"What did you say?"Ana popped her head in.

Pharah and Junkrat looked at each other.

"Uh oh..."


End file.
